I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
