so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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