how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no you cant smoke seaweed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
