can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
