Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
