She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
