So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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