I have demons in me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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