So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize