Kiss
Puke
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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