i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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