you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
