Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
