Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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