We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
