If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
