I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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