she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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