and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
