Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
