Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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