Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
