i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
