hotel room ftw
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
