lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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