His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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