Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
