my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
