I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
