Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
