Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
