I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
