dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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