Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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