Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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