Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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