do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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