it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
