I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
