I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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