Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
birth control should be required to get into college
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
