My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
