they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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