somebody snuck up and got me drunk
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
