i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
