Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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