I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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