I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
