its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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