Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
