No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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