do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
