Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
accomplished twins. life is a go
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
