remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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