at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
