how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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