Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
