I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
