Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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