Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
