So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
