he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
