This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i think i just lost a toe
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
