You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
