Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
