Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
