you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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