Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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