I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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