i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
