i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize