I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She even gives head with a lisp.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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