You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize