Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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