I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
