I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
