I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize