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good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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