What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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