i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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