Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
