Please, let me fuck your mom
I have demons in me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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