We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
