I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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