why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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