The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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