I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
should my penis look like a turkey
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize