wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
