...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
