so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
