fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
