i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
