Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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