I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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