based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
