No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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