I didn't shave. On purpose
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize