508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
