My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
