if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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